After a breakup you have two choices: Lose Yourself or Find Yourself!
After my recent breakup I've chosen to find myself. I have no other choice! ( I'll be dammed if I let a man put me in a nut house). I feel like many woman find it hard to heal because, they remain STUCK. Stuck in good memories of the past, (because they often skip over the problem memories, that broke the relationship in the first place) or holding onto a dream of what they thought it could be.
Either way breakups are wired to me because you're grieving for someone who's still alive.
It's completely normal to miss and think about your ex, because you still love them ( and maybe you always will). It's tough BUT for your own mental sanity, you have to accept that the relationship is over!
Once you accept that, that chapter of your life has come to an end, you can start to heal and rebuild. Check out this video below for tips on how to help yourself heal and rebuild after a breakup.
I just want to start by saying congratulations on your breakup and for accepting that it's over!
Whether you're the Dumpee or Dumper there isn't really a 123 step healing process. It's going to take time, so allow yourself to process the wave of emotions, that will pass through you...However what you can do, to help yourself is:
Change your perception on how you see the breakup
You now get to be single again which isn't all that bad! This is now your time to rediscover yourself. Reconnect to who you are as an 'Individual' what are your likes and dislikes? what are your core values? who are you at gut level?
So many people run away from getting to know themselves. They need to hide in other people, they need other people to validate them, make them feel happy, whole and complete. You don't need to be a hermit, but the more time you spend getting to know yourself the more you will come to realise that everything you need is already inside of you! Happiness is in you, love is in you, you are whole, you are complete, as a stand alone individual!
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Have a good support system
It's always good to have someone that you can turn to talk about your problems, but at the same time hold you accountable to rebuilding yourself. It's important that you don't get so caught up in focusing on your pain or past hurts. Yes there will be times when you feel really down and upset, allow the emotions to pass through you. But remember to redirect your attention back onto rebuilding yourself.
Speak life into yourself
Next time you walk past a mirror, I want you to stop, be present with yourself, look yourself in the eyes and say " I love you, I love you so much" Start using daily affirmations, you can start your day simply saying "Today is going to be a good day"
You can also use other affirmations like:
I am love
I am happy
I am beautiful
I am joy
Pick up a pen, get some paper and ask yourself a year from now what will my life be like?
New hair? New clothes? New job? New city? New phone? picking up like Ciao ...because you're learning to speak Italian.
The universe and your future self ( even me) is waiting for you to create this next chapter of your life! So go ahead and pick up the pen! :)
By Abbey Kelly Co-author of Manifesting Love.